On Saturday at three
by LilyBartAndTheOthers
Summary: Anna, Liam, Leah, Hugo, Elsa... And Karen, wondering why. WK fic
1. Ana

**Anna**

"Hold her for a second please, Peter's calling."

The glass of Champagne she had quietly been sipping until then suddenly disappeared from her hands and before she had the chance to come up with some effective reply, Karen got silent by her four-month old niece landing on her lap. Instinctively her fingers pressed the baby's waist but a quick gaze towards the main path leading to the house resulted enough to let her understand that one more time her sister had managed to run away, leaving her alone in some precarious situation she couldn't stand.

How come parents always found a way to make you look after their children at the most unexpected moment? They probably kept on observing you, waiting for nothing but the few seconds you would let your guard fall down and then it was too late. The baby was in your arms. Your whole body got tensed under the anticipation of eventual cries that would make everyone stare at you in disbelief as a wave of shame ran through your veins, making your cheeks redden. You felt so stupid.

Or at least Karen did.

In a bad imitation of motherly feelings, she slowly turned around and looked down at her niece. She crossed her gaze, intended a pale smile but as the baby's attention finally focalized on the way her dark hair was floating around her face, she swallowed back the quiet failure of her ridiculous attempt to make connection with the little girl.

The band was still playing a few feet away from the table she had sat down at. Guests were dancing on the grass when others had already packed, thinking about nothing but the terrible traffic that paralyzed Manhattan on Sunday. The warmness of the sun was nothing more than a yet very far memory and the gloomy dimension of their stressful day-to-day life had taken back possession over their dead-end minds.

The baby's features suddenly deepened and Karen felt her heart slow down dangerously. What had she done to push her niece on the edge of crying? Slightly panicked, she took a long breath, swallowed hard.

"Oh she's so cute. What's your name, little princess?"

A woman in her sixties kneeled down and began to chuckle the baby's cheek, causing an immediate smile from the child. Before the easiness that some seemed to own in such circumstances Karen simply smiled bitterly.

"Anna; her name is Anna."

The woman's eyes widened as a bright smile lit up her face. Karen frowned. She had nothing against children, absolutely nothing. She had accepted to be a part of Olivia and Mason's life when she had married Stanley and she didn't regret it, on the contrary. But it seemed that she always ended up feeling in the way at some point. Something didn't work out and she lacked self-confidence; turned into a whole different person who barely dared to do the slightest thing just in case she would bring way too much attention over her deep discomfort.

"What a beautiful name you have, Anna. And your dress is gorgeous, a real little girl."

Anna smiled again, obviously seduced by the woman's compliment. The stranger went on with some baby-talk before looking up at an exasperated but, curiously enough, yet too polite to show it Karen.

"Your daughter is adorable. How old is she?"

The question hit her heart with an unexpected coldness sliding down slowly towards the shades of awkwardness for having been misunderstood for Anna's mother.

"Oh no, I'm just her aunt. She's Virginia's daughter, the bride..."

"Then your children must be delighted to have a little doll to play with now."

"I don't have children, not yet."

The end of Karen's reply came to die in the murmurs of her own uncertainty. She shrugged, trying to put an end to the lame conversation before it turning one more time into the classic scheme of people's apologies but it didn't work out.

"Oh I'm sorry."

"Well my husband has children from a previous marriage…"

"But it's not the same. Yes, I know. Anyway, I have to go now."

The woman stood up, smiled at Karen before planting a kiss on Anna's head. She left.

Why did people always see motherhood as a logical stage in a woman's life? Karen had grown up in a world of men dominated by women; a sort of parallel universe where all the rules were upside down. She had been taught about independence and seduction. The family concept didn't match at all with the scene but the truth was that her sister had received the same education and yet they were so different now. How come a maternity commitment hadn't made its way yet to her mature mind?

"Hey, two of my favorite women…"

Stanley's put an end to her confusing wonders and she smiled timidly at him as he took a picture of her holding her niece. His lips brushed her hair in an aborted kiss.

"Are you okay?"

Karen nodded but stood up all of a sudden and passed the baby to her husband.

"Would you mind? I'm thirsty."

A sigh of relief lit up her face as she finally made her way _ free of any child _ to the bar. The Champagne caressed her throat in a cool motion, bringing life back to her senses.

She walked away from the rest of the party then leaned against the trunk of some tree. The warm breeze of June caressed her bare neck as the wind began to hum an odd melody through the leaves. She closed her eyes; tried to forget why motherhood fascinated her so much. And yet she was so scared before the possibility to have one day her own child.

As much as she loved not fitting in the crowd, when it came to maternity Karen always wondered why she was so different from the other women.


	2. Liam

**Liam**

She had always hated numbers but couldn't stop counting as if her existence depended on a series of mathematical symbols, incomprehensible equations almost impossible to resolve. Perhaps it was the reason why her life was such a mess at the end. Everything seemed to get mixed in her head and then she lacked sense. People used to say that she tried to back in retreat before the weight of her responsibilities. Her decisions were lame _ odd _ and the silence she gave to their invectives only comforted them in the sentiment they were right. She just had nothing to reply, nothing to add or comment. It was the way she was and her difference had finally turned out to be her bitter pride.

Twenty-seven steps separated the main door to the elevator. While stepping into it, she usually turned on her heels and pressed the button to the sixth floor. A couple of steps more accompanied her monotone gesture as if she had been looking for a lost balance; a sort of mechanical choreography supposed to be reassuring.

One, two, three; she entered the office and sat at her desk, stretched out her legs. From the sidewalk to her chair she barely reached thirty-five steps, forty if for some reason her journey had been interrupted. This was just for the office but the truth was that everything was calculated from the five-number validation code of the manse to the memory of holding three different types of roses the day she had married Stanley.

It gave self-confidence to her movements as well as a peaceful freedom to her dreams. She didn't have to pay attention to insignificant details and so she could concentrate on her own wonders, quietly enough for them to pass unnoticed.

Coffee in hand she made a frank step forward as the doors of the elevator opened. Lost in her thoughts _ led by the logic of a well-known routine and its confidence _ she didn't see the baby stroller at all and literally fell over it.

"Oh, damn it!"

Her plastic mug crashed on her pale blue top, the hot drink getting absorbed in the expensive fabric; burning her skin. A violent pain set off in her left ankle. She immediately thought about the pale scar on it and bit her lower lip, hoping the injury would be minor if not inexistent. It made her shake uncontrollably, swallow hard. Tears rushed to her eyes but she swept them away with a bitter strength, a cold control over her feelings.

"Karen, watch out please. The stroller is extremely expensive."

Grace's comment put an abrupt end to her latent wonders. Sitting down on her chair, she looked up at her friend and frowned. The slight panic had all of a sudden been substituted by a violent anger. She scoffed but bumped against an invisible wall of words where syllables got lost in a million of definitions and she was left there, speechless if not ridiculous enough to be laughed at. Grace went on.

"Annabelle is one of the most important clients I have ever had. She showed up this morning with her child, Liam. Please tell me you didn't spill any coffee on it or I'm screwed."

Karen looked back instinctively at the stroller to check the damages caused by her fall. A couple of seconds flew away before her arrogance taking possession of her again.

"Damn Grace I got hurt by this stupid stroller! I could be in the hospital right now. Why did she leave it in the middle of the room? It's dangerous for Christ's sake."

Grace's cold gaze over her comment took her aback and she remained quiet. She wasn't in the mood for a pointless fight. Stanley had left early in the morning for China and she had learned through a brief missive left on the door of her bedroom that for the very first time she would have to spend three entire weeks with his own children since Cathy was off to Italy. For whatever reason the news had speeded up the pace of her heartbeats, sent icy chills down her spine; ridiculously enough since Rosario would take care of them all along. But still, somehow she was the adult in charge and she didn't like it.

The tension between the two friends vanished all of a sudden as a tall woman entered the office holding a toddler by the hand. Karen observed them with a barely contained astonishment. Annabelle had deep green eyes matching in a singular perfection her long ebony hair. Her son was pale and delicate, the blueness of his gaze highlighting the candid face surrounded by curly blond hair. Lost in her thoughts, Karen leaned her chin on the palm of her hand and raised a dubitative eyebrow. How could a mother look so different from her son? It lacked logic.

She smiled at Annabelle politely then froze as she realized that the little boy was standing right next to her, observing her legs intensively.

"Oh, Karen… This is my son, Liam… Liam honey, how about you stay with the lovely Karen while mommy talks to Grace, hmm? I won't be long."

Karen looked up at Grace in order to complain silently but one more time her gesture resulted too late and Grace had already left with Annabelle. She rolled her eyes, sighed. The toddler hadn't moved but he had abandoned the contemplation of her legs to the depth of her hazel gaze. She intended a weak smile, an approximate wave of her hand towards him but she was shaking so much that the little boy got scared.

"Oh no, please… Don't do that to me; not now. Don't cry, damn it."

Panicked, she studied her desk in quest of some diversion and finally grabbed an empty bottle of Valium.

"Here's for you…"

Liam tended both of his arms and as she leaned over to give him the bottle, Karen found herself trapped in the warmness of an unexpected hug. She felt the little hands passed around her neck, asking in silence to be held a bit longer. Without thinking it twice she settled him on her lap and looked at him playing with her personal items. His gestures were precise, his fingers so tiny and delicate. She planted a furtive kiss on his temple before leaning her head against his. Her sigh got lost in a bitter murmur.

"Don't grow up… Life is not as easy as it seems. And I know what I'm talking about honey because I'm thirty-eight now; thirty-eight and a zillion regrets... So take your time if you don't want to screw it up as I did once."


	3. Mathilda

**Mathilda **

After all it was her fault if they had ended up trapped between two other couples in this noisy restaurant where the smell of grease was so strong that it seemed to pass directly underneath your skin in a moist, disgusting motion. She had forgotten to book their usual table at The Four Seasons, for whatever reason she couldn't really explain and when she had realized her mistake, it had been too late. They wouldn't be able to share a Martini and discuss the future of Walker Inc. in the intimacy of a cozy lounge, forgetting for an hour or so their friendship; the words of law and capitalism troubling the lines.

Instead of the pale lights of the famous restaurant they were stuck under the neon of some vulgar diner where the plastic chairs pierced your eardrums as soon as someone moved around, stood up or sat down.

Their beers finally arrived, almost thrown nonchalantly by the waitress. Some drops landed on the old table, over the napkins. She swallowed hard and tried not to get formalized by it but it was hard. She didn't feel at the right place for the diner reminding her of a disturbing past she wished she had been able to forget. How many places like that had they stopped by? How many motel rooms that smelled of tobacco and failure had she had to make hers in order to get some sleep and a semblance of life?

Karen sighed in a last attempt to make abstraction of the oppressive reminiscence and smiled at Will, vaguely blushed as a matter of fact when her legs brushed his accidentally. He didn't seem to notice or at least didn't pay attention that much. He had already taken out of his briefcase the papers she was supposed to sign during Stanley's absence. She grabbed her beer, sipped and made a face. The drink was hot. Passing her tongue over her lips, she opened her mouth to speak but frowned, perplexed before Will's absent-minded gaze. He wasn't looking at her at all and seemed to fix some point over her shoulder as a genuine smile lit up his features. Led by her curiosity Karen turned around then rolled her eyes.

A woman was feeding a baby at the table behind her; a little Chinese girl holding some rag doll. The scene was probably cute but it only got on Karen's nerves for her not thinking instinctively like the others; not falling under the charms of a so-called sweet picture. Did she lack patience or just primary feelings? In any case it sounded bitter and sad to be so lonely all of a sudden, so different.

She turned back towards her friend and snapped. A heartless behavior might not match with her personal intentions but it was more expected at the end; a sort of wrong logic.

"If you dragged me over here to contemplate a baby then we should reconsider our weekly lunches, Will."

Her comment resulted effective enough and she got back his attention, as well as his slightly exasperated gaze towards her. She knew he thought that she wasn't sweet but curiously enough he never mentioned that when they were alone, together; as if his teasing behavior only found a reason to be in public.

"Sorry, it's just that time goes by and I can't wait to share those moments with my daughter too."

Amused if not a bit taken aback, Karen raised an eyebrow then shook her head. Will's baby projects weren't a novelty at all for her _ he did speak a lot about it, even had drawn some plans with Grace _ but his honest reply owned an ounce of ridiculousness to her eyes; an incomprehensible certainty.

She laughed.

"And how can you be sure that you will have a daughter and not a son if you have kids at all?"

Against all expectations, Will didn't look offended by the way she was obviously crashing his dreams. He shrugged, took his time; had a sip of his beer.

"I can't really explain it. I feel it; I know it. I will have a daughter and… I'll do my best so that she trusts me. I'll do my best to be a good father. We'll do plenty of things together until the day she decides that it's time to grow apart. She won't forget me of course but we will turn a page and… I don't know. This scheme is my dream and I want to make it come true."

Before Will's confession Karen found herself speechless and hurt. His eyes had been sparkling all the time; his features so light. Why was she unable to release the own movements of her soul? She looked down at the table, a bit uncomfortable. Will went on.

"I want to call her Mathilda. It's beautiful, isn't it? I really like it. It sounds soft to my ears; soft and perfect."

A few seconds flew away before Karen finding back an ounce of control over her mind. Her heart was beating fast; her hands were moist. An icy chill ran down her spine as she swallowed hard and so she moved on her chair, nervously. Her awkward movement produced a shrieking noise and she looked down immediately, extremely embarrassed.

She cleared her voice, grabbed the official papers with a shaking hand.

"So what am I supposed to sign today?"

Will didn't insist and accepted in silence the abrupt change of the conversation. After all it was supposed to be a business lunch at the end. But one more time Karen wondered if she wouldn't have preferred some resistance. Perhaps it was that; she needed to be forced. And then her own fantasies would dare to slide on her lips, reach the air. Of course they would come timidly for being lame, unsure. But how fighting over the strength of consciousness and recognize _ accept the fact _ that she wasn't always who she pretended to be?

She didn't have a vision as clear as Will's but the truth was _ the shameful one _ that she had already thought about the names she could give to her own children as potentially weak as this twist in her life was. And curiously enough she had settled down her conclusions on Mathilda too.


	4. Olivia

**Olivia**

She put her glasses on and the words appeared clearly before her eyes. She settled further on the sofa of the library, restrained a yawn then finally concentrated on the text she was supposed to read. It's when she realized that perhaps she should have stayed in her foggy myopia because it went straight to her heart to break it into pieces. She cleared her voice, in discomfort. Olivia began to speak.

"According to The Human Fertilization and Embryology Authority, at 35 women are half as fertile as they were at 25; at 40 they're half as fertile as they were at 35. If a woman is over 35 and keeps on trying to get pregnant, her chances start to fall rapidly; 6 per cent of women aged 35 and 23 per cent of those aged 38 will not have conceived after three years of regular unprotected sex. As women get older, there are a number of factors that can make it more difficult to conceive…"

The teenager's voice seemed to vanish in the background, absorbed by the loud mechanism of Karen's own brain; all the wonders the biology lesson was stirring up throughout the paragraphs. Her eyes were fixed on the numbers, the percentages. They made their way to her mind in a whirl of confusion before rushing to her heart, laughing at it.

"Fertility factors, as women grow, include: ovarian reserves – this is the number of functioning follicles left on the ovaries. As a woman gets older, she has fewer viable eggs left; in case of early menopause, the eggs run out much sooner than usual. Menstrual cycle – as women approach the menopause, their menstrual cycles can become irregular and shorter. Lining of the womb – the endometrium may become thinner and less hospitable to a fertilized egg. Mucus secretion – vaginal secretions can become less fluid and more hostile to sperm…"

None of this was new. As much as she hadn't stepped into a science class for a very long while, this kind of knowledge had remained but the difference was that for the very first time in her life Karen felt concerned. Olivia's voice was pure, fluid and distant as hers had been once too; as if those words would never reach her and her youth.

Some things changed.

"Most couples (92 per cent) will conceive within two years if they do not use contraception and have regular sex. Regular sex means making love every two or three days during a woman's cycle. That leaves 8 per cent of couples who do not conceive within two years. This is why it is so important to seek help for infertility treatment sooner rather than later if a woman is over 35. It is recommended that most couples try for at least a year before seeking help but if the woman is over 35 and having problems conceiving, she should seek help earlier."

A sigh of satisfaction came up to accompany Olivia's last words as her features, until then concentrated on an invisible spot behind Karen, began to relax slowly.

"So how did it go?"

Karen's hazel eyes were still stuck to the text, not even seeing the words anymore. The ideas had penetrated her skin and burnt her brain cells quietly. A few seconds passed by and she finally shook her head to come back to reality, fighting against whatever was happening in her mind.

"It was perfect. You didn't mix the numbers and… Yeah, it was very good; excellent. You should get an A."

Olivia smiled and made a step towards Karen in order to get back the text but she stopped halfway instead; balanced on her feet, obviously hesitating.

"Karen, can I ask you something?"

Stanley's daughter suddenly blushed and bit her lower lip as if she were regretting the words that had just escaped from her mouth. Karen nervously moved on the sofa. The moment owned a singular shade, an uncomfortable one. She nonetheless nodded.

"Are you trying to have a baby with dad? I know you two have separate bedrooms and… Well, I was just wondering if you had planned something like that. It might be none of my business but since you're thirty-eight and I just went through this lesson…"

With a shaking hand Olivia pointed out at the sheet of paper she was now holding then shrugged. Growing in anxiety, Karen cleared her voice. Her mouth was dry.

"How old are you, Olivia?"

"I'm fourteen years old."

"How much do you know about sex?"

"Enough to know that you don't have "regular" love making sessions with dad if you have sex at all… You're not like a couple anymore. Something changed between the two of you so I was wondering if you had planned to get a baby; since you're thirty-eight."

She could have been offended by the honesty of the teenager but the truth was that Karen was softly surprised. Olivia had inherited her father's diplomacy when it came to make speeches. Her words were smartly chosen; her sentences short, effective enough. A telephone rang in the background, followed by stifled steps on the carpeted floor. Karen looked down, hiding her blushing, then murmured.

"We haven't talked about it yet."

The silence that followed only managed to highlight the sad realization that her marriage to Stan rested on unknown bases; an indefinite future desire together. How could she not feel like they were failing then?

"And do you think you want a child?"

This time Olivia's voice had been more cautious, extremely unsure. The words twirled around in Karen's head, confronting her to something she had never really thought about more than a couple of seconds. A silent, furtive laugh escaped from her mouth and she shrugged at Olivia; looked aside.

"I have no idea."

The fragile tone of her voice melted in the bitter veil of honesty covering up her eyes.


	5. Jack

**Jack**

She got up, looked all around and rushed on her tiptoes to the bathroom. Very carefully the palm of her hand pressed against the door as she locked it in a perfect, controlled silence. She didn't want to bring attention over her gestures. They were way too secret and confusing for that. Not that anyone in the mansion really cared about her in the first place but still, she had to be completely forgotten for a trail of minutes.

Safe enough in her secluded room, Karen turned around and looked for a seat. There wasn't any. She bit her lower lip and reluctantly sat down on the floor, her back leanest against the tub. She began to count the seconds passing by. Her eyes were fixed on the wall opposite her; she was shaking. A deep breath of air filled her lungs and she took the box out of the paper bag she had been holding all along.

The fact was that she hadn't planned anything at all. When she had awoken that day, it hadn't crossed her mind that she would end up locked in the bathroom after a whole sleepless night the next morning. She had been supposed to meet Jack _ in the afternoon _ and like a monotone clock they would hit the stores for a shopping session. So how could she explain what she had done in his back? Why had she decided to buy the test when nothing had really changed at the end?

A bit dubitatively she raised an eyebrow at the bright pink box, read a couple of times the text written down on it. It looked more like a commercial for gums than its real purpose and all of a sudden she felt trapped on time, rushing back to her teenage years; all the rumors spreading over this high school girl _ the one who slept with guys _ with the same speed as a storm in the sky of a humid July.

Her fingers nervously bumped on the box as she opened it and grabbed the instructions. She settled further against the tub, vaguely moved. She wasn't in a comfortable position at all but even in the smoothest armchair she would have felt extremely anxious. Did her life really depend on the results of the test?

_The directions should be followed precisely to get accurate results. Do not open the pouch until you are ready to perform the test. Keep out of the reach of children. Do not freeze. This test cannot be used for contraception (birth control). This test is not to be used as an aid in detecting ovulation. Do not use this test if you have taken hormonal medications in the last 60 days, including birth control pills. This test is not reusable. This test may not be accurate if you are pregnant at the time of testing. Women undergoing assisted reproductive procedures such as IVF (in-vitro fertilization) should not use this test._

_This test should not be used to detect menopause. _

The last sentence sent shivers down her spine and stirred up a wave of deep discomfort over her body. Why was she so scared anyway? She was only thirty-eight years old and still had her period so technically 'menopause' was a word that required time before reaching her then draw a line under a couple of unsure desires.

She finally stood up and took off her pants.

Thirty minutes; within thirty minutes she would get information about something she didn't know what to do with. Besides, a self-test was never as accurate as a medical checkup. So who could say if the message wouldn't be wrong at the end?

The tension began to boil in her veins as she was pacing the room nervously. As much as she tried to concentrate on a pointless spot, her eyes always ended up staring at the stick put down on the countertop next to the tub. She almost felt like throwing it away immediately and so she would go on like that. After all it was exactly what she had been doing until then and the truth was that she hadn't been that sad. She stopped, took off the top of her pajamas then stepped into the shower.

She hadn't been happier either.

When the water seemed too hot and she turned the pressure down, all of a sudden she had the sensation that a torrent of ice was brushing her skin. But coming back to higher temperatures and it almost burnt; the air turned oppressive. Of course it had nothing to do with the shower in itself but the minutes going by slowly enough to make her doubt, to make her wonder about a thousand things she was trapped in.

She finally grabbed a bath towel and wrapped it up around her frame. Her gaze was one more time about to die somewhere halfway between another pointless, too early check and the disappointment it stir up when she realized that a number had appeared in the window of the stick.

She stared at it blankly.

_The fertility test for woman detects a different hormone named follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) on day 3 of a woman's menstrual cycle in order to assess her ovarian reserve. Your day 3 FSH level is an indicator of the quantity and the quality of your eggs and thus fertility potential. _

In a sudden rush she put back the stick and the instructions in the box before hiding it somewhere behind a thousand other medications. She washed her hands, over and over as her heart was pounding way too loudly in her chest. She closed her eyes and bent over, swallowed back her tears. She avoided her reflection in the mirror, put back her pajamas on and exited the room immediately.

She went straight to her bed, looking for the heat of the blanket against her shivering body; the loneliness of her heart.

"Good morning, Karebear…"

She didn't smile at Jack, only tended her arms towards him. He took his shoes off _ not asking for the slightest explanation _ and stepped into his friend's bed to hug her tightly. It was how it worked with Karen. You never asked anything. She had to be in control of the situation, dominating all the conversations or at least let her think so. And then maybe she would allow herself to trust you enough for a sweet embrace.

She tightened her grip on him and buried her face in his neck; kissed his skin.

"I love you, Jackie. My baby Jackie… My baby…"


	6. Eva

**Eva**

"I need to see you today. It's quite important."

"I'm not available."

"I wouldn't ask you for a last-minute meeting if it wasn't the only possibility I have right now."

"But I have other plans, other people to see."

"It will only take you an hour or so. I'm really sorry but… I have dead-lines to respect; it's not against you."

"Then let's say at five in front of FAO Schwarz."

At four thirty Will left his office and hailed for a cab, stepped on it immediately. After giving the direction to the driver, he settled further on the backseat and enjoyed the view of New York speeding past in front of him.

He hadn't paid attention to Karen's words when he had called her earlier in the morning, not really wondered why she had chosen the famous store and not some cozy lounge as she used to. But free of any file opened on his desk _ pending on his analysis _ his friend's odd decision suddenly seemed to weigh a bit more in a shade of absurdity. Karen hated children so why would she ever feel like going to FAO in the middle of the afternoon?

Will checked his watch; 4.45pm. The air filled his lungs in a deep and slow motion before him sighing and raising an eyebrow in complete indifference. Why should he be surprised by Karen's choice since most of the times, she seemed to defy the lines of nonsense?

He finally arrived, paid the fare and looked all around while hitting the avenue. The sidewalk was crowded and as much as he tried, he couldn't see his friend anywhere. Cautiously enough he approached the entrance of the store and waited sagely there, hands in the pockets of his pants. Children were coming in constantly while others were leaving holding big bags in their tiny hands and the smile of victory over their exhausted parents on their lips.

All of a sudden his gaze stopped on a woman staring at one of the windows of the store. She was turning her back at him but her figure nonetheless reminded him of Karen, as well as her dark hair. For whatever reason, Will loved observing his friend, the least detail. There was something oddly relaxing in the study of her features and those thousand details that once assembled made the uniqueness of Karen.

The only thing that stopped him in his comparison was that the stranger was holding a baby in her arms and her delicate fingers were caressing the little head in a comforting, suave motion.

A cabdriver started yelling at another one just in front of the store. The woman turned around, obviously intrigued by the unexpected situation. Will restrained a laugh and a smile as confusion very quickly took possession of him and he shook his head in disbelief. He made a few steps forwards to finally stand in front of Karen; perplexed as he was to witness her holding a child.

"I didn't know they had this kind of toys inside."

His comment made her jump _ she had remained focalized until then on the driver _ and she looked up at Will, blushed.

"Oh, you're there… Good; let's go to a coffee shop somewhere. I need to sit down for a while. My back hurts pretty badly."

"Of course it does. You're wearing high heels while holding a baby. What…"

She passed her tongue over her lips in a pointless attempt to control the heat invading her cheeks. She looked aside, swept the street of her hazel eyes in order to avoid his gaze. She felt stupid all of a sudden; stupid and lame.

"I'm her godmother. I'm supposed to look after her this afternoon but since you wanted to see me well… Hmm, I didn't want to leave her with Rosario. I don't see her a lot."

The end of her explanation got lost in the cacophony of the passers-by. Will had already made connection with the little girl and they were both laughing now. Something pinched Karen's heart, an ounce of jealousy over the easiness her friend seemed to have when it came to babies. His brown eyes stared at her for a couple of seconds.

"What's her name?"

"Eva…"

"What an adorable little girl…"

Without asking for nothing Will grabbed the baby to hold her against him. Karen smiled softly, a bit relieved by the weight. She took his briefcase instead.

"I didn't know you were a godmother. What kind of parents dared to come up with such idea?"

She rolled her eyes at his smirk but didn't reply. He was being nice, teasing her just the right dose to sound cute and pleasant enough; perfect to get forgiven for the last-minute meeting.

"Here's a free ticket for the aquarium, offered to all the families! Enjoy your stay in New York City!"

A guy tended a flyer to Karen and disappeared before she got a chance to realize what he meant. When it finally made its way to her brain, shame took possession of her and she threw the paper away; cleared her voice.

"Let's go to this coffee shop now."

The years were passing by and people mistook her more and more for a mother. She couldn't really blame them _ after all she was in age to have her own children _ but it was the first time that someone came to imagine Will and her involved in a romantic relationship of some sort and for whatever reason, it made her feel uncomfortable.

Will didn't say a word about it but immediately stopped speaking to Eva. Obviously Karen wasn't the only one who had been troubled by the guy's comment.

"So what do you want to talk about?"

She pushed the door of the nearest coffee shop and sat down at the first table she found, a bit farer from the other ones. She gave him back his briefcase and waited. Eva turned towards her and tended her little arms. She grabbed the baby and planted a kiss on her head. Her heart was pounding loud in her chest. Her anger was boiling in her veins for feeling so frustrated to be in presence of a toddler in front of one of her closest friends. Her reaction was ridiculous, she knew it, but she couldn't help it either.

Will looked at her, obviously troubled to see her with a child in her arms _ so calm _ but he quickly pushed aside the idea as his features deepened. It was always like that when they met professionally, as if he needed an absolute distinction between their friendship and the activity that connected them throughout a thousand contracts. Very slowly he took out of his briefcase a sheet of paper, looked at it for a couple of seconds _ seemed to hesitate_ and finally made it slide on the table.

"Does Stanley have any kind of business meeting while in The Bahamas, Karen?"

She narrowed her hazel eyes before the sheet of paper then swallowed hard. Eva moved against her as if Karen's discomfort had suddenly reached her too.

Instinctively Karen tightened her grip on the little girl. The world seemed so bitter when you felt suddenly lonely. She leaned her head against Eva's, frowned. Tears were rushing to her eyes in a harsh, shameful way.


	7. Stanley

**Stanley**

All of a sudden she dropped out her pen, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. The headache she had awoken with in the morning was convincingly getting stronger, not only pressing against her temples but spreading over her weakened body as well. The contact of her fingertips with her forehead resulted oppressive, uncomfortable at the most. She made a face and tried to restrain a moan.

The day before was still sticking to her mind in a harsh motion, from the revelation of Stanley's hidden bank account to the silence over a part of her life like the fact she actually had a goddaughter but had never said it to anyone. Everything had got mixed in those tears she hadn't dared to let come out and the night had slid over a bitter incomprehension; the lonely sentiment to feel like being taken in someone's arms if only for a couple of seconds.

She had stayed in bed until she had been sure that she wouldn't cross anyone. Then curiously enough she had headed to the office almost mechanically. She didn't want to speak, didn't want to cry either, barely breathe. But Grace's silent presence next to her was all that was left at the end.

Would she have to tell everyone that Stanley had been fooling her for so long? Sometimes she wondered what people's opinions about her own life could be, about her own marriage. She could spend hours thinking about it but as much as she did her best to find another path, she always ended up coming back to the negative one highlighting her failure. And it was hard.

"The day you have your first child, what color will you paint the nursery room?"

Very slowly Karen opened her eyes and looked up at Grace, perplexed. People seemed to take her aback a lot lately unless they simply knew her better than she did herself. These things did happen when you categorically refused to face your own person. And time was passing by too; she seemed to forget a bit too much about it but was she really the one to blame when all the things she had done until now had had for only result to make her feel low and sad? At least by ignoring the years, she tended to lose contact with the harshness of existence.

"Who tells you that I will have a child?"

The question seemed to surprise Grace a lot. She made eye-contact with Karen and shrugged as if her words had belonged to an implacable logic.

"Well… I don't know. We all do, at some point."

How come people could picture her out in a situation she barely managed to accept? She was a heartless person, extremely harsh, self-oriented most of the times. Her character was unbalanced and exhausting. Her whims were scandalous _ as well as the nastiness that seemed to give strength to her lack of self-confidence _ and she seemed to find in people's distress something comforting enough to make her go on; no matter how wrong her behavior could be.

In a word, she hated herself enough to accept the idea people did too.

"I'm not really motherly."

"I'm sure you're a lot more than what you make us think. Now tell me about the color, please. It's for the sketch; it's a boy."

Grace's remark didn't manage to make its way to her mind. She actually took it bad, for whatever reason, but finally concentrated on the original question.

"Certainly not blue; it's quite a cliché. I'd say ivory with some naïf drawings in pale shades to match wooden, very simple furniture. It would give more light to the place and a sentiment of quietness."

A bright smile appeared on Grace's lips.

"See, it's instinctive."

Like in some bad, expected synchronization, Will came in the office at this exact moment. Sometimes she wondered why he stopped so much there when he used to work so far. Grace had a meeting with a client, besides; and they lived together. Why could he not just wait for the end of the day like most of the couples?

She barely looked at him, ashamed for the episode of their last professional meeting. Her reaction was ridiculous _ since she didn't even know about her husband's illegal transactions _ but she couldn't help it.

"I can't have lunch with you, Will. I'm sorry if I forgot to tell you about it but I have an important deal with some client."

"Actually you did. I came to spend some time with Karen. We need to speak."

Karen blushed immediately at the call of her name, cleared her voice pointlessly. Her headache was pounding loud against her temples now and she actually felt sick. Will grabbed a stool and sat down next to her. She stared at his hips _ the lines of his black pants _ and for a couple of seconds she wondered what would happen if her hand came to rest on them, softly.

"How is Eva?"

"Who is Eva?"

Grace turned around, jacket in hand, and looked at Karen with curiosity. She was in a rush and knew it but Will's mysterious question had stirred up an odd sentiment that one more time her friends didn't tell her everything.

"It's nobody."

Karen bit the inside of her mouth, already regretting her words. Some heat rushed to her cheeks before such an obvious, pointless lie but Will didn't say anything and waved at Grace as she left the office.

Next to him, she didn't say a word; he remained silent as well. A thousand things were twirling in her tired head but none of them had to cross the limits of her lips then reach the air. All the hopes she had precariously dared to build, the sweet dreams she used to have; everything had been stopped by Stanley's transactions and one more time she only faced the ruins of her pitiful life.

She thought about the test she had taken in her bathroom a few days earlier; the appointments she had made as a consequence of it.

Perhaps Stanley's double life was a sign that she'd better draw a line under untold plans, a couple of things.

She rushed in Will's arms and burst into tears.

She didn't want to drop everything out, not like that.


	8. Karen

**Karen**

She shouldn't have been drinking so much. Her heart seemed to be beating faster while she had more and more difficulties to breathe properly. The air was moist, oppressive; and her whole body ached under the vapor of vodka. She had remained perfectly still on the couch, emptying glass after glass without her friends noticing it or at least they hadn't dared to say the slightest thing. She didn't want to blame them for their silence; it was her fault at the end. It had always been her fault.

Her fingers slid unsteadily towards the bottle. She grabbed it and concentrated in order to pour some more in her glass. She needed a drink, a couple of pills, a hug and the promise that one day everything would cease. Stanley had called in the morning. The words had burnt her lips but she had turned incapable of asking him about the bank account. Anyway she knew what it meant; a bit less why, perhaps.

Grace said something funny but she missed it out; just smiled _ a bit lost _ while Will and Jack burst out laughing. She took a sip of her drink, closed her eyes.

She had looked how the ink of her pen had drawn a line so easily under her previous written note. Life seemed so fragile, precarious if not pointless at all. Then she had picked up the phone and cancelled her medical appointment definitely. Not even a minute had been needed for that when it had taken her most of her life to come to the decision to at least, maybe give it a try. Now her chances to build some future with Stanley were ruined.

Very slowly Karen stood up and headed to the kitchen aimlessly, her glass in hand. She picked an apple, bit into it and leaned against the countertop. Her eyes began to wander over the room until Will caught up her attention. A week had passed by since she had burst into tears in his arms and against all expectations he hadn't renewed anything, the slightest gesture of care towards her. Not that she was dying for it but his reaction let her a bit surprised in spite of all. It had been the first time she had dared to open frankly before someone and the consequences over Will had nothing to do with what she had been thinking about.

Perhaps she had let him confused and he didn't know what to do.

"Karen, don't forget to pick up the stroller tomorrow before coming to the office. The nursery project, please tell me you remember it."

Her hazel eyes focused on Grace and she mechanically nodded. Will's laugh suspended the reply she was about to give. She looked back at him.

"Gracie, are you sure you want Karen's assistance for a nursery room? I mean there's nothing more antithetical than associating the word "baby" to her and I know what I'm talking about. She's the last person I would refer to if I ever had a child!"

She knew immediately that he was just kidding, as usual. But maybe it was the alcohol of the fact she felt weak _ she wouldn't have been able to say _ and all of a sudden tears rushed to her eyes as her heart began to ach. She had been hurt.

Swallowing hard, she clenched her fists and looked desperately at her three friends waiting for her reply. She panicked, began to shake before hurrying out on the terrace in a murmur of false anger.

"Go to Hell, Will."

The cool breeze of the night comforted her as soon as she slammed the door behind her and stepped outside on the small terrace. She should have come there earlier in the evening; to observe the stars shining in the sky, the lights of Manhattan and the bitterness of her lonely thoughts.

"Karen…"

Will's voice made her jump. She hadn't expected him to come so quickly after her if he had ever moved at all from the living-room. He approached, leaned against the balcony. She stared at his hands but remained quiet.

"You know I didn't really mean what I said. I was just teasing you, as usual. I'm sorry I should have known better. All you're going through with Stan and… I didn't want to hurt you in any way. Besides you keep on saying how you don't want a child…"

"What if I do?"

She suddenly turned around and stared at him, frowning. Will gasped, probably taken aback by the sparkling tears in her eyes. She didn't cry easily, didn't let people hurt her feelings that much so it was still disturbing to witness her in a weak moment.

"You want to have a child?"

She shrugged but didn't look aside. There was something reassuring in his gaze and she needed it.

"I don't know."

Will was obviously taken aback if not shocked by her semi-confession but he hid it pretty well or at least she thought so. Even now when the question had been clear, deprived of any complicated aspect, she was unable to give a proper answer as her heart remained troubled; her mind quiet.

"You were cute with Eva."

She closed her eyes as she found back the heat of his arms, tightened her grip on his neck. She was getting addicted to his embrace, weirdly enough. She broke apart.

He made the first step; she just got lost in some incomprehensible interpretation.

His lips brushed hers in a comforting, platonic kiss but for some reason she didn't let go of him and deepened the kiss. Her fingertips slid on his nape; she felt him shiver under the touch. His tongue was soft around hers, exciting too.

His hands grabbed her waist but instead of responding to her embrace he took advantage of it to push her away. Her eyes searched for his for a couple of seconds but as incomprehension lit them up, she looked aside immediately; an awkward silence reigning over their heads.

Will sighed, passed his hand through his hair before clearing his voice. He was dancing on his feet, obviously uncomfortable.

"Okay, it was nothing. It's alright. Let's just forget about it, don't feel bad. You're not fine right now so it's… Nothing happened, did it?"

A nervous laugh escaped from his lips but for whatever reason she kept on staring at the floor a bit too intently; seriousness deepening her features. Something was happening in her mind, the terrible sentiment to have lost tracks of logic. Her breath was twirling in her lungs and she felt dizzy; panicked before the blurry reason why she couldn't come to support his words.

She finally looked up at him then bit her lower lip, shocked by her own wonders. What if she didn't regret the slightest thing?

Her silence must have been too honest because Will opened his eyes wide and seemed to start panicking. He frowned, shook his head.

"Oh no… Karen… I'm sorry but I… I don't have this kind of feelings…"

He didn't let her time to reply and rushed back inside.


	9. Billy

**Billy**

The lights of the platform faded away as the train entered another tunnel but nobody seemed to care. Life just went on after all; out under the sun or there, trapped in the dirty corridors of The Amtrak. Then it was a matter of minutes for most of the passengers before them coming back to the surface and forgetting about their furtive travelling companions. Because it was how it worked; the ephemeral aspect of sharing a part of existence with complete strangers that as soon as you would turn around, your mind would draw a line under.

Absorbed in the contemplation of the wall, Will remained still as the darkness of the corridors sent back to him the reflection of his face in the window. Very slowly he studied his features; the way his eyes weren't shining. A long sigh came to slide on his lips. He swallowed hard. The seconds were passing by stealing away his quick heartbeats, nourishing a growing nervousness he didn't manage to control.

Someone coughed a couple of seats behind but the silence reigning over came back almost immediately. Another station got reached and they crossed a crowded train going towards Manhattan, emphasizing even more the emptiness of their coach.

"Hmm I'm afraid she's not available. Karen is always off on Saturday at three. I thought you would know about that. Where have you been to during all these years?"

"What does she do?"

"That's the one-million-dollar question. It's a complete mystery."

"Don't tell me you haven't followed her, Jack. I wouldn't believe you."

"Oh, of course I did. She ended up in Prospect Park, sat on a bench. She stayed there for a while then went away. Nobody ever came to her."

"And you didn't ask her about it?"

At that moment Jack had finally dropped out the soap opera he had been watching to turn around and look at Will. A furtive laugh had shaken his shoulders, stolen a smile from his lips.

"Well you see if there's something I learned about Karen is that when she's all that secretive, you'd better respect it."

When he had rushed back in his flat after their accidental kiss and the silent confessions it had set off, Will had thought that the page had been turned and the mistake forgotten but the truth was that three sleepless nights later, he didn't feel fine at all. A weight was oppressing his heart as a latent pain seemed to be burning his throat.

Guilt, incomprehension; everything was getting mixed in the blurriness of his own confusion. Was Karen really having feelings for him? It sounded wrong if not ridiculous, impossible. She was a very good friend but all the lines had been defined way before they even met.

When he finally made his way out of the subway, Will looked up at the sky and realized it had turned gray. He hurried up, not really knowing why and passed the gates of the park.

They needed to talk, to make everything clear. Obviously pretending that nothing had happened didn't match with a day-to-day basis. He had been avoiding Karen all along, ashamed and troubled. She hadn't tried to reach him either and weirdly enough avoiding each other had worked pretty well in spite of their close relation. If his conscious hadn't kept on chasing after him, perhaps Will would have never decided to come to Brooklyn.

The wind suddenly passed underneath her coat and she shivered as it caressed down her spine; huddled up on the bench she was sat on. A woman had grabbed a little girl by the hand on the other side of the area. She was kneeled down, talking to the child with an expression of seriousness and worry over her face. Karen narrowed her eyes, leaned her head on a side but suddenly gasped as something made contact with her legs.

"Oh my God, are you alright?"

A toddler had just fallen against her in an attempt to catch a ball that had rolled under her seat. Karen slowly put him back on his feet and smiled at him softly, trying to look as reassuring as she could. The boy frowned but didn't move.

"Oh I'm so sorry. I hope he didn't hurt you. Billy, are you okay, honey?"

A young woman in her twenties took the toddler in her arms and shook her head at Karen, apologizing one more time before going away.

They always did. Karen bit her lower lip and swallowed back her bitter thought. Children didn't like her and that was why they never remained by her side; no matter how hard she tried. They probably could feel her discomfort _ her insecurities _ and so they got their attention on something more interesting.

"Karen…"

She couldn't help but jump at the sound of his voice but her surprise very soon got swallowed by the heat rushing to her cheeks. With incredulous eyes she looked at Will sitting down on the bench, by her side. She blinked.

A thousand questions were vanishing in her mind at this exact moment, none of them finding a way to hit the air and make the slightest sense.

"Jack told me you were there."

She looked down at her lap. There was no surprise in his last comment. Jack's silence and absence of questions could have only been nourished by the satisfaction of having discovered the exact essence of her so-called mysterious Saturday disappearances.

"What are you doing here in Brooklyn?"

A shrug accompanied melancholically the way she raised an eyebrow. She wasn't mad at him but at herself for a million different reasons; the way she had stayed quiet when he had tried to pretend that their kiss had been a pure mistake among others. She still didn't understand why she hadn't nodded by then. It didn't sound right.

"Like I have somewhere else to go…"

Three children passed in front of them, running; laughing. Instinctively Karen looked up at them and a smile lit up her features. Will observed the scene but frowned, unsure of what he was supposed to say. Karen pointed out at the kids with a vague motion of her head.

"This is not really a dream, more a sort of curiosity. But something is happening. I don't know what it is… The passing of time, perhaps, yes… And everything is turning bitter now, like an old regret. I guess I missed my life Will and the only things left from it are my Saturdays at three, here in Brooklyn... So please, leave me alone. Leave me alone now."

She didn't protest when his hand came to press hers softly.


	10. Mason

**Mason**

Her hand caressed her ankle absent-mindedly. She narrowed her eyes, vaguely moved on the sofa before biting her lower lip in a motion of deep concentration. The room was silent, as well as the rest of the mansion, and the seconds seemed to pass by in a loud cacophony while her time was getting reduced faster and faster. She finally grabbed a piece unconvincingly and made it slide over a black square. Mason smiled.

"You shouldn't have done that."

"Oh I know honey but honestly I'm stuck. I guess my defeat's coming, isn't it?"

With a dramatic motion of her head, Karen looked up at her step-son and frowned. She had never been good at chess but she still liked it a lot. It required strategy and smartness. Her impulsive character simply didn't match with the patience the good players used to show and that was why most of the times she lost the game.

"Never give up even when your enemy's walking over you. Life is only over when you decide it to be."

Mason straightened up on his seat and nodded bravely at his own comment. She observed him for a couple of seconds. He was right enough. But the truth was that against all expectations, Karen renounced easily when things became harder.

Her cell phone vibrated on the coffee table. She picked it up immediately then opened the message. It was from Will.

Nothing had really changed since he had found out about her Saturday afternoons. After holding her hand for quite a while, they had both come back to Manhattan and turned the page or at least pretended to. As the first words mentioning their previous kiss on the terrace had hit his lips, she had silent him with a gesture of her hand then put an implicit end to the conversation. As much as she had been confused, Will's statement had always been clear so there was nothing more to add, period.

She had simply felt ashamed that evening when unable to accompany his poor reassuring explanation. Why had she remained quiet?

She did have enjoyed the kiss. That was a fact but it wasn't supposed to mean anything apart from the sweetness of some unexpected moment. Perhaps if she hadn't felt so lonely it wouldn't have happened, even less her odd sensation that Will's lips could have belonged to hers.

_Strolling through Madison Avenue, do you mind if I stop by?_

She read the text message four times, blinked and swallowed back an embarrassed laugh. She didn't like the way he was behaving around her. Just because she had vaguely opened up to him didn't mean that their relation had to become closer in any way. She didn't want of his pity, even less of some forceful sentiments that would relieve his conscious. She had thought that he would be different.

"It's your turn."

She nodded at Mason and replied to Will; put back the phone on the table by her side.

"Will is going to stop by honey so as soon as he arrives, we put this game on pause okay? Anyway the suspense never lasted more than three seconds. We both know you have won."

A few minutes passed by, her anxiety growing at the same time; her heart pounding loud in her chest. Nothing seemed to be right all of a sudden, from her reaction to her friend's mysterious demeanor; and Stanley, being so far, lost somewhere in South Africa.

The doorbell rang. She jumped. Mason went away politely but obviously crossed Will in the corridor. Their voices reached her ears through subtle waves of a stifled conversation and for whatever reason Karen rushed to the piano then leaned over it in a failed attempt to look relaxed, at ease.

"Good morning…"

Will finally appeared on the doorframe. She turned around and smiled at him. He was holding a brown paper bag in his hands, a small one.

"Since when do you come over here on Sunday? The Upper East Side is far from being your favorite district, is it?"

"I crossed Central Park and landed on Madison without really noticing it. I can't believe how the streets are empty on this side of the city."

Karen briefly looked by the window. The trees of the green heart of Manhattan were spreading breathtakingly just below her feet. The view was unique, exceptional. On rainy days she used to sit down on a sofa and contemplate the skylines that had nourished her dreams for so long as a child. It was still hard to believe that she had made it true once.

"It has always been quiet here, way too quiet if you want my opinion. But Stanley loves it… And what Stanley loves is supposed to make me happy…"

She came to sit down on an armchair. He did as well, still holding tightly his bag. With a vague motion of her head Karen raised an eyebrow and smiled, curious.

"What's in there?"

From all the people she knew, Will had always been the last one on her list susceptible to surprise her. He seemed to find a soft resonance in his day-to-day routine but as he took out of the brown paper bag the box, her opinion towards him changed immediately.

Speechless, Karen observed the bright pink and the green lines on it; how she had thought _ the first time she had seen it _ that it looked more like a gum commercial than its real purpose. Will misunderstood her silence.

"It's a fertility test."

"I know what it is."

He didn't seem embarrassed at all, just vaguely reserved and careful of the words he was choosing. That must be why it never crossed her mind that she could actually be mad at him.

"I know you haven't made your decision yet but obviously, according to what I've seen lately, it seems that you're ready for it, Karen. You should give it a try… You're married, your step­-kids like you and unfortunately _ no matter what you do against it _ life is going really fast. This is not the kind of regret easy to forget."

She passed her tongue over her lips and stared at the test. His words had actually barely reached her. Maybe the sweetness of his intentions had absorbed it all and she was there, disarmed in front of him. She took a deep breath and sighed, rolled her eyes.

"I already took one, a short time ago. Actually I had even made a medical appointment after the 'positive' result; not that I was really determined but you know… And then two days later it's when you came up with Stanley's unknown bank account. I cancelled everything along. I guess it's pretty fair, isn't it? How could I imagine to have a family with a man who's being so secretive with me?"

"How old are you?"

The question took her aback and she couldn't help blushing. She passed her hand through her hair, cleared her voice. Mason suddenly rushed into the living-room, grabbed a book and disappeared again; quietly.

"I have reached a point where numbers are better appreciated while kept under silence. This is pure conventionalism but don't expect me to break the rules about it. It's only once you experience it that you understand the whole meaning of it."

"But if you keep on waiting like that one day you will look backwards and realize that you have missed it out."

A bitter laugh made her shrug. She tightened her nervous grip on her skirt.

"And so what? It wouldn't be the first time."


	11. Rosario

**Rosario**

She blinked in the pointless hope that her tears would defy the elementary rules of life and finished absorbed back by her body. Her heart was hitting hard against her chest, her breath was loud; her mouth dry and cold. She clenched her fists and bit her lips with such a strength that the taste of blood began to run on her tongue.

She hated this silence. It was unbearable, false and heavy. But every time she looked around and studied her life, it was all she came to face; that and the emptiness of a way too big, impersonal mansion.

They had argued. He had come back from South Africa and within ten minutes they had been yelling at each other for absolutely no reason apart from the fact it was relieving and reassuring as if an argument made them feel alive. And their couple was safe then, still there; intact.

She hadn't been able to ask him about the bank account he hid in The Bahamas. What for anyway, since she already knew the answer; she hadn't needed him to understand. She was just craving for feelings that had ceased to be for a very long while and the dryness of their absence let her frustrated. He probably felt alike but none of them was good at confessing the secrets of their hearts.

Someone stopped on her back. She didn't move.

"What do you want?"

Her voice was icy, harsh for being so calm but it didn't seem to bother her interlocutor that much.

"At what time do I have to prepare your bath?"

If there was something that Karen hated a lot, it was the way reality always ended up catching her back; how the monotony killed the pulsations of some unexpected event _ like an argument _ and everything came back to normal with an annoying quietness.

Then it crossed her head, with the blurriness of an excitement barely contained and completely unsure. She remained still though, unable to look properly at Rosario.

"I have other plans for tonight. I need to see someone."

"He's not the solution and you know it."

The remark took her falsely aback. For some reason she had always known that Rosario had guessed about her intentions; her embarrassment probably came from this fact. But she would have never imagined that the maid would dare to say it out loud.

"He made it clear. There's nothing to worry about."

"But it won't prevent you from crashing so hard if you keep on hoping like that."

"He's just a friend. And it's exactly what I need; his presence… I won't do anything that I could regret."

"I'm afraid it's a bit too late for that now."

This time she turned around but Rosario had already disappeared in the corridors of the penthouse. She grabbed her bag and slammed the door behind.

Nothing went through her head during the ride from her penthouse to Will's flat. Not that wonders didn't want to come to her mind but she simply pushed them away with an unusual strength; an odd determination she knew wasn't fair.

Grace was spending the weekend at her parents. She had told Karen about it all week long at the office, asking in silence for Will to accept to go with her. As for Jack she had heard about a date; probably just another one but she wasn't needed by his side.

Did the situation sound almost too easy to hope for something more, as Rosario had evocated? Her hand got suspended in the air as she was about to press the button of his intercom. She frowned. She didn't mean to be flirtatious with him. It was all about trust and their strong friendship.

She opened the door and looked all around. The living-room was quiet but also empty. Very slowly she closed the door and leaned against it; dropped her bag to the floor. It's when he appeared, coming from the right.

What happened next hadn't been planned at all; from the way she looked aside and let a bitter smile light up her face to the steps she made towards him. Why did he not turn her down this time as he had already done in the past? Why did he not protest as her fingertips brushed his hand and she captured his lips all along?

The first time she had kissed him, she had already felt the prohibited sensation of warmness growing in her stomach. She had got scared but stayed quiet and ignored it. She knew what it meant and so what? She was married; he was gay. It was such a classic, pitiful scheme that it tended to make her mad.

His hands slid on her waist as a cold chill ran down her spine, remembering the last time she had felt his fingers on her. He had pushed her away. But this time he only deepened the kiss and asked for more as his leg brushed her inner thigh.

Maybe she should have been the one to put an end to their embrace then excuse herself, blush if not rush away. But she just couldn't do that, not now; never.

They slowly made their way to his bedroom but she only realized it as her legs hit the mattress and he lay her down. She didn't look at him, didn't search for his eyes. His caresses were enough if not all she actually needed. Besides crossing his gaze would have broken the so fragile spell.

There was something in a first time that Karen loved, thrilled in anticipation before it. The awkwardness and the light shame of the gestures, the inhibitions slowly fading away as both partners learned about each other and accepted the fact of a whole new relation. She had often wondered why this sentiment never remained alive, why the sweetness of the unknown got buried by the monotony of time.

She took his shirt off and held him tight; her legs squeezing his waist. She could have burst into tears _ for some reason she couldn't explain _ but instead her lips brushed his ear, she whispered, as her hand massaged his hair.

"Go slowly please…"

If the light hadn't been so dimmed, the red on her cheeks wouldn't have passed unnoticed.


	12. Karen and Will

**Karen and Will**

The heat of his lips on her neck woke her up. She let him do, let his kisses caress her skin as his hand on her stomach suddenly brushed her bare breast, sending shivers to her spine. She restrained a sigh, rubbed her eyes.

"What…"

Her question got lost in his mouth. She smiled in the kiss, passed a hand through his hair then broke apart.

"What time is it?"

The sheets rustled under Will's sudden movement as he turned around to check the alarm-o'clock. She looked at him, still half-asleep; focalized on his back. What was happening exactly?

"It's eleven… Good morning."

She felt his leg brush her inner thigh as he leaned up on his elbow to look into her eyes. A few seconds flew away in the blurriness of her mind as images of the previous nights were slowly making their way to her heart; soft memories of incomprehensible times.

"Good morning."

Her foot travelled up his hip as he captured her lips for another kiss; passed on top of her. She felt him grow between her legs. It made her blush. It hadn't happened with Stanley for a very long time. As a matter of fact she could count on the fingers of one hand the number of times she had awoken in his arms.

Her hand went down his bare back and she pushed him closer, sighing in his mouth. They were losing their inhibitions at the same time as control over their life or at least she thought so. She already dreaded the conversation that would follow, the logical explanations they both needed to share in order to draw some plans because for some reason they had decided to get a change over their existence.

She didn't want it, for having lived it way too many times yet. Perhaps it should have been a sign.

The night had been perfect, vaguely odd though. But she had melt under his touch, the sweetness of his awkwardness and the way their heart had kept on pounding so loud against their chest. Karen's intimate life had nothing to do with the person she was in public; nobody would have guessed that her eloquence was able to disappear so suddenly, absorbed in the shyness of a couple of sentiments; a couple of deep wishes.

They rolled on a side, didn't break apart. Their tongues playing hide-and-seek in the depth of sensual, long kisses, she waited for him to make the last inches between their bodies vanish. She used to lead the game with all her previous lovers, desperately looking for some sweetness in their matter-of-factly gestures; so cold. At least when she was in control of love making, she had very small chances to get disappointed.

She knew she shouldn't come to such conclusions but the truth was that it was different with Will; one more time.

What was it about him that managed to change her whole behavior? She could barely trust herself but relying on Will was a vital need, as well as his reassuring smile and the way his arms were soft around her frame.

She speeded up their thrusts and stifled a moan in his shoulder, holding him tight as a long shiver ran throughout her whole body.

She captured back his lips, intertwined her foot in the sheets that had slid down on the edge of the mattress. The moon had been replaced by the sun but all the rest had remained; the silence of the flat getting lost in their sighs and the paleness of a natural light, almost intimate, embracing their bare flesh.

"Give me a second."

Still a bit breathless Will planted a soft kiss on her lips then got up. She looked at him disappear in the corridor, silently. She rolled on her back and stared at the ceiling, confused.

The worst of all was that she didn't feel ashamed at all; no matter the wedding band weighing on her left hand. Fragments of her last argument with Stanley were coming back with a harsh effectiveness to her mind in a dry attempt to highlight the reason why she would have rushed into Will's arms. But she should have been looking for an excuse instead of providing to her conscious a whole series of logical punishment as if in spite of all, she wanted to feel bad enough, just to match with the classic scheme of being unfaithful.

It didn't work out at all.

She grabbed a cashmere sweater and put it on as the temperature of her body dangerously came back to a colder routine. She closed her eyes, plunged her head in the fabric. It smelled of Will.

"Here we are…"

She jumped and looked up at him but it only took a few seconds for her surprise to vanish in a soft smile. Very carefully, Will put down the tray on the bed then passed his hand on her back and kissed her neck.

"Still no sugar with your coffee, am I right?"

Perplexed, Karen nodded quietly before settling against him. Nothing sounded right at all or at least logical. How could he have possibly changed his mind so quickly unless he had just been lying? She grabbed the mug he tended her; kissed his lips.

Unless it was just a dream and more or less soon, she would be caught up back by reality.

The wonder slowly spread over her mind, got her blood icy. Sat on the bed, she moved nervously and had a sip of coffee but swallowed hard.

"Is there something wrong?"

She looked at Will, blinked before the way he was biting with a barely hidden appetite into some French toast. The way he seemed so relaxed only managed to increase her incomprehensible anxiety, this odd feeling creeping to her mind in silence. She shook her head without really knowing why then smiled.

"I'm fine, perfectly fine."

Nothing sounded right.


	13. Thomas

**Thomas**

It didn't take reality very long before rushing back in Karen's life but as much as she had expected it, one more time she got surprised by the harsh form it adopted, cold and ironic enough to bring a bitter smile to her lips; the sentiment to be empty, ridiculous.

Leaning a bit over the countertop, Karen narrowed her eyes and observed her image in the mirror. She didn't look tired, happy either, no; just herself in the most common measure with a complete absence of sentiments. Jack laughed in the background. Instinctively her eyes studied the door of the bathroom, wondering about the nature of her friend's loud reaction. Had Will arrived yet?

She grabbed the towel that Grace had finally bought in order to replace the disgusting gray paper then dried her hands.

Wednesday; three days had passed by and they hadn't talked yet. As a matter of fact they had purely lacked occasions to. The boiling rhythm of their day-to-day life had taken possession of them as soon as she had left his flat on Sunday evening, a few hours before Grace coming back and from then on they had barely crossed each other. Was he avoiding her?

They had spent all their time in bed, living smoothly through the oddly logical alternation of sex and cuddling moments. It could have been a sort of spark, love at first sight and so both lovers realized within a second how they were made for each other but as much as the idea was extremely tempting, she knew it wasn't true; if it ever existed at the end, she wasn't sure at all. Fairy tales had barely anything to do with reality.

They had kissed for the last time when she had reached his door. All of a sudden his hand had slid on her bare back and he had made her turn around, capturing her breath in a sensual, hungry embrace. She had broken apart and studied his gaze, desperate to find out an answer to her blurry wonders but her attempt had been vain.

The return to the penthouse had been a lot more difficult, a kind of cold shower that she had been dreading as soon as she had stepped into the cab and they had driven off Riverside Drive. She had crossed Rosario in the corridor, defied her gaze but completely crashed down once in her bath; plunged into the hot water to bury her tears.

She had had no problem to face Stanley though.

This story didn't make the slightest sense.

She finally made her way out of the bathroom and joined back her friends in the office. The rain was pouring heavily outside _ probably an early storm announcing that July was approaching _ and so they had decided to get some delivery at the office. The place was cozy enough to spend a large amount of time there, among the fabrics littering an old velvet sofa and a couple of antique chairs.

Her heart jumped in her chest as she saw him sat down on a stool, talking with Jack. He looked up at her with the same indifference that had given rhythm to their previous years of friendship. She tried not to pay attention to it and went back to her own chair.

She grabbed her Chinese box and started eating in silence, devouring Jack of her eyes in the hope to jump in the conversation that was taking place. But she didn't understand anything at all. As a matter of fact, she had been feeling a little dizzy for a couple of hours now as if her Vodka was sticking to her blood in a different way, a stronger one.

Did he ever seem to stare at her? Not really; Jack kissed her lips softly but Will didn't look like he cared that much. Why would he do, anyway? She wasn't going to start thinking like those ridiculous romantic girls who, as soon as they get some attention from a boy, were victims of a boundless, harsh imagination made of a wedding band from Tiffany's and babies, promises of some forever.

He couldn't ignore her either though. They still had slept together, several times. They had made a step into a different kind of relationship; no matter it was fair or not. They had to speak about it.

"Well if you need a scarf we have plenty of them in the swatch room. Come with me, I'll show you."

All of a sudden Grace grabbed Jack's hand and they left the office. One more time Karen felt submerged by the impossibility to control everything in existence _ she hadn't planned to find herself alone with Will, not now _ and she began to lose her self-confidence. It always made her panic.

Will on the contrary seemed to be perfectly fine, not at all disturbed by their sudden face-to-face. He was reading the newspapers, eating some rice. She cleared her throat to get his attention.

"Hmm… Stanley and the kids aren't there on Friday evening so we could go… I don't know… We could go to the restaurant or something."

She blushed when her awkward suggestion sounded more like the desire to have an affair than the need to speak over some facts.

"I can't. I'm on a date with Thomas on Friday. You know the cute guy from the gym. Ask Grace, I'm sure she'd gladly accept a girl night or something."

Reality; she had known that it was only a matter of time but she hadn't seen it coming, not like that. Before her absence of reply, Will sighed and put down his Chinese box on Grace's desk; looked at her.

"Come on, Karen… We both know it was just a one-night stand, hmm? I mean you wanted to have sex; I wanted to have sex… We had a great time. We did… Let's move on now. I seriously doubt we ever headed towards some sort of intimate relationship you and I… That sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? We're friends. We slept together; no big deal…"

The worst of all wasn't the way she felt so ashamed and stupid in front of him, no. What made her heart really break into pieces was the complete indifference of Will's face as he had been talking all along.

He had never cared and would never do. Never.


	14. Casey

**Casey**

If there was something that Karen hated more than anything, it was the way sometimes she passed completely unnoticed. She had worked hard to become the center of attention of New York high society and her success had turned into such a part of logic that when she found herself surrounded by strangers who had no idea whom she could be, she was troubled; a bit weak.

Four Vodkas on the rock and a half hour later, the room began to spin around. She closed her eyes, brought her hand to her temple and swallowed hard. For some reason she didn't seem to hold alcohol that well, lately. She needed to have a rest, to take a deep breath and stop thinking. Her nights were short and completely ineffective but since her dreams had faded away, she couldn't find a good reason to fall asleep again. Instead she had developed an addictive observation of things _ their shapes _ while plunged in the darkness. It was another world, a sad but fascinating one.

She stood up slowly and made her way to the kitchen.

"Karen, if you want another drink I have more alcohol near the piano."

She barely paid attention to Marilyn's comment, nonetheless nodded but kept on walking towards a quieter place. She needed to be alone, at least for a few minutes; just the required time to come back to a sober state.

She pushed the door, looked up and froze as she came to face Will's brother, holding his daughter Casey by the hand.

"Oh, hi… Karen, is it? Are you looking for something?"

"Yeah, my mind…"

Before the incredulity of her interlocutor, she apologized with a vague gesture of the hand then shrugged, unsure of what she was supposed to say. She made a few steps forwards and sat at the table; grabbed a bottle of water and poured some in her glass.

Her eyes crossed Casey's; she smiled.

"What is that you're holding, little girl?"

She pointed out at Will's niece's hand briefly, desperate to sound as natural as any woman was supposed to be in such circumstances. But one more time her attempt resulted ridiculous, at least to her ears and she swallowed hard her silent defeat. Why did everyone feel so blessed in children's presence and could act in the most natural way when she barely knew how to smile not too brightly to avoid some tears?

"My name is Casey."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

The reply should have made her laugh for sounding cute and sweet but instead she felt the heat rush up to her cheeks. She moved on her chair, obviously uncomfortable.

"So what is it, Casey?"

"It's a very magic wand."

"What do you mean by 'very '?"

"Why, it belongs to me so it's very special of course!"

The statement took her aback but she nonetheless nodded, sipping her water.

"Would you mind to stay with Casey for a few minutes? I need to make a phone call."

Karen politely nodded, swallowing back the wonder why it always ended up this way, and very soon found herself facing Will's niece at the table; not knowing what to say at all. Casey was a cute little girl, quite shy. With her magic wand in hand and a pale pink dress, she looked like a princess, ridiculously enough according to Karen. How come parents could keep alive such a fictive environment for their children? Reality had nothing to do with fairy tales; lying for a while wasn't an option she would have chosen with her own child.

"Where is your Prince Charming?"

The question left her perplexed. She blinked, took another sip of water. She hadn't expected to go into such conversation with the little girl; no matter she had oriented it into that sense in the first place while mentioning the magic wand.

Rolling her eyes, Karen shrugged. The irony of the situation was weighing a lot all of a sudden.

"He's dating another prince."

"I bet the other prince is not charming."

Casey's tendency to always have a good reply made her smile. Karen leaned over the table and locked her eyes with the little girl's.

"Why do you come to such conclusion?"

"Because Prince Charming is unique… They can't be two."

"Do you think I'm a princess?"

"No, you're a witch; a good one though. That's why I know you have a Prince Charming."

"And do you think that he will ever come back to me?"

At that point and for the very first time, Casey seemed to hesitate. She bit her fine lips, looked aside; frowned. The way she was taking the conversation so seriously brought another smile to Karen who all of a sudden began to remember some parts of another life when she was just a child and everything was alright.

"Well you know… Life is made of compromises so unless you accept to make some, I'm afraid you will keep on living your little dreams in your head, my dear."

The sudden familiarity pushed Karen to laugh but she quickly stopped as Casey seemed offended by her reaction. As seriously as she could, biting the inside of her mouth, she leaned a bit more over the table.

"Is that some Cinderella quote?"

"No, it's Oprah's."

"Oh yes… Of course, I'm sorry. And since you have your magic wand, is there any trick that could help me to get my Prince Charming back?"

"Sure!"

Casey's hands came to rest on Karen's eyes. She closed them immediately and waited, rocked by the little girl's voice.

"Think about him and just about him. Picture out the beautiful castle you want to live in with him… One, two… Three!"

The magic wand hit her head and she opened her eyes as an ironical synchronization _ bitter enough as a matter of fact _ made Will enter the kitchen. She looked at him for a couple of seconds, intended a pale smile towards Casey.

She had never believed in magic tricks anyway.

She took a deep breath, swallowed hard. She felt like crying, one more time.


	15. Nobody

**Nobody**

He had been staring at the words for so long that the sentences didn't make sense anymore. It was just a series of sounds supposed to be logical once related to each other, references to articles and common knowledge for any lawyer; but he was there, sat down at the table and incapable of finding the required concentration to work on the case properly.

While the flat had been plunged into a rare quietness, a box slid on the table. Grace sighed.

"Does anyone know where Karen is?"

Absorbed in the reading of some gossip article, Jack crossed his legs then nodded at his friend without looking at her.

"On Saturday at three Karen goes to Brooklyn. How many times do I have to say it? First Will, now you…"

At the call of Will's name, Grace furtively looked at him. Their eyes met but none of them spoke as if a wave of guilt had suddenly spread over their minds, for whatever reason. The slight embarrassment grew in frustration. Grace bit her lips, turned around and cleared her voice pointlessly. Hands on her hips, she shook her head at Jack.

"And how am I supposed to make contact with her? She didn't return any of my calls."

"Can't you just wait for tomorrow?"

Exasperation slowly made its way in Grace's tone. When the situation seemed to slip through her fingers like that, she tended to lose her nerves easily enough. She hated that.

"No, I can't. I have something she needs now, every day to be more precise."

Suddenly interested, Jack closed the magazine and threw it on the table before finally looking up at his friend.

"What is it?"

Will's silence had become loud in his own head. His mouth had turned dry as an evident lack of air was burning his lungs little by little. He hadn't stopped staring at the box Grace had made slide on the table. How such a tiny detail like the sound of cardboard box brushing wood could make your so-called balance sound insecure all of a sudden?

"She forgot her birth control pills at the office. This is not the kind of thing…"

"Hmm sorry about that but these aren't Karen's."

Jack's comment made Grace laugh. She hadn't even showed him the box, how could he advance it wasn't her brand?

"And how do you know that?"

"Because… Karen hasn't been on the pill for two years now. Not sure why though since she doesn't want to have a child with Stanley."

Curiously enough the remark took its time before reaching Will's brain and setting off an odd, anxious alarm. And everything was getting mixed; a whirl of words, complicated law terms as well as the details of his night with Karen.

He swallowed hard, stood up.

His sudden move caught up his friends' attention. Was the smile on his lips as weak as it seemed to be or it was just a strange feeling coming from the depths of his mind?

"Where are you going?"

At that point he had already picked his jacket, his hand on the doorknob. Lying, looking for a good excuse to justify a couple of shameful things; he was a good attorney, way too good. It was so easy to manipulate people's minds. As long as his audience was made of strangers he didn't really care but when it came to his friends, the bitter taste left on his heart then haunted him for a while.

"I need some book at The Public Library."

This time he hailed a cab as soon as he stepped out of his building. The ride to Brooklyn would be long enough _ if not a pure torture _ like that. Would it change anything? He was already so confused, angry and hurt.

The menacing clouds finally broke into a rain pour when the trees of Prospect Park appeared in front of him. He paid the fare, rushed to the children area.

A rain drop caressed her nape; she shivered but didn't move. Sat on a bench she had stopped counting the seconds, the minutes and the brightness of her failures laughing at her in silence. Everything was falling apart. It had been a consequence of a million events, more or less fair even though she might have lost the sense of justice.

Three weeks had passed by, stealing away whatever she had dared to hope and while crashing down one more time she still could look around to observe the nothingness of her life. The park was empty. Even the children _ the Brooklyn ones as she used to call them in the secrecy of her heart _ had ended up leaving her behind.

And she was just alone now.

"Are you pregnant?"

A scream of surprise escaped from her lips. She stood up instinctively and turned around to face Will. He was soaked wet but didn't seem to mind. His eyes were trying to pierce the fragile shield of her sunglasses. She frowned.

"What are you talking about?"

"Jack said that you weren't on the pill. We didn't use any condom; you didn't ask for one. Are you pregnant?"

Her legs began to shake uncontrollably. She tightened her grip on the umbrella she was holding, looking for a so-called balance.

"No, I'm not."

"Are you sure?"

Something broke into pieces at this exact moment. The trust she used to have towards him came to crash against her heart. She swallowed hard. Would he ever see the tears getting mixed with the rain drops if she allowed herself to cry?

"I haven't used any birth control method for two years and look at me. Look around me. Nothing happened; absolutely nothing!"

He made a step closer. Thunders resounded in the background.

"But you had planned it, hadn't you? You just wanted to use me to reach one of your quiet dreams."

She took a deep breath, tried to control the anger boiling in her stomach. She might not have been entirely sincere with him but his remark sounded terribly unfair. She was the one who had to cope; the one who was suffering at the end.

In a furtive gesture she took off her sunglasses and locked her eyes with his.

"How do you dare to say that when you're the one who said in the first place that it had just been a one-night stand?"

"You didn't seem to disagree."

"Damn but are you that dumb, Will? Unless I've been wrong all the time and… I thought you knew me. Do you really thing I'm this kind of woman? You hurt me! You had no idea how you hurt me so bad."

The first tears welled up in her eyes and she never tried to swallow them back. They had to brush her face, to ease the pain that her silence had been compressing over her heart for so long.

His hand tightened his grip on her wrist; she didn't oppose any resistance. At least he had stopped speaking, perhaps vaguely touched by a truth that she hadn't been so good at hiding. She opened her mouth to speak but her words got stolen by his lips as he kissed her.

For the very first time she pushed him away, slappeed him; shook her head in confusion.

"What the hell are you thinking?"

She left, pacing the path so that he wouldn't catch her up; his steps were loud in her back.

All of a sudden she stopped walking; he did as well, surprised. His brown eyes studied her ankles, went up her legs, her back; the way the hand that was holding the umbrella was shaking. She made an unsteady step forward, stopped again; began to dance on her feet. Was she hesitating? Her reaction was taking him aback and he didn't know what to do or think; a bit disarmed Will simply witnessed the scene.

The umbrella rolled on the ground and her sunglasses slid off her hands, so suddenly as her whole body succumbed under the coldness of the rain and the latent pain in her heart. She had always known that the day she would say goodbye, she wouldn't have time.

Everything turned dark.


	16. Karen and Stanley

**Karen and Stanley**

Will closed his eyes and buried his face in his hands as the troubling realization that we lived of misconceptions and absurdities rushed to his mind like his own gesture, the new position he had adopted. As much as he was dying for some loneliness in a sudden boiling world, the trick didn't work at all. On the contrary it seemed that all the sounds were multiplied, reaching a rare intensity and so preventing him from concentrating.

A deep and stifled noise of a soda falling from a machine made him jump but he didn't look up at the person obviously standing by his side. He didn't care at all. The appealing effect of observing strangers had completely vanished as Karen was occupying now all his desperate attention.

Something had happened when the ambulance had arrived to take her away. Time had defied the settled rules of seconds, minutes and hours unless he had just lost the least notion of them and now _ finally sat on a plastic chair of some blank, cold hospital _ reality was slowly coming back to him through a series of basic, pointless wonders like if he still had leftovers from the Chinese restaurant in the fridge or if the temperatures would warm up once the rain stopped falling.

"What happened?"

At the sound of Jack's voice, he finally broke his so-called concentration and looked up; vaguely relieved to have some well-known company. He shook his head, searched for Grace and bit his lower lip as she arrived, breathless.

"I don't know. One minute she seemed to be fine and all of a sudden she passed out. She regained consciousness in the ambulance then but couldn't stop crying. I guess she was in shock because she was shaking… I held her hand all along and tried to calm her down. She was obviously panicking. The guys talked about a very low blood pressure. That's all I know for the moment. She's having all kind of tests right now."

"Are you okay?"

Will passed his hand through his hair and looked down at his legs. His clothes were dry when they had been soaked wet under the rain outside. How long had he been there for? He nodded slowly at Jack.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

No he wasn't but nobody was supposed to know the reason why. A sentiment of guilt had invaded his mind as a strong and oppressive pain was pressing his throat, his heart. He had never felt so bad in his whole life.

"Has she ever passed out before?"

His brown eyes looked for an answer in Grace and Jack's ones but they seemed to be as disarmed as he was. All of a sudden his gaze stopped on a woman holding a file. She came to him and smiled reassuringly.

"Everything is fine, Mr. Truman. She suffers from a pretty severe anemia which explains her very low blood pressure and her general weakness but she's been taken in charge on time. Don't be worried. You can go to her room; one person at a time though."

In a common and quiet agreement with Jack and Grace, Will followed the scientist, pushed the door of Karen's room. She was laid in bed, her eyes closed; probably resting. Trying to make the least noise possible, he came to sit by her side but didn't dare to grab her hand. He remained still.

A strand of hair brushed her face; she pushed it away but felt the contact of an odd material between her veins and the skin of her forehead. She opened her eyes slowly and looked at the perfusion, blinked.

"Karen…"

His voice had never been so soft, so warm. His murmur made her turn around and stare at him. She was tired but didn't feel like sleeping, just crying. She hadn't forgotten anything, if only…

"Kare…"

His fingers caressed her hair and she let him do, too weak to fight for anything. Besides she wanted nothing but it, the heat of his flesh against hers; one more time.

"Do you want Stanley to come? I called him when we arrived here. Since he's in Dallas he asked me to call him back as soon as I had more news about you. Do you want him to be by your side?"

"He's never been."

Her voice was hoarse, her mouth dry. She swallowed hard and intended a pale, bitter smile.

"Oh come on, Karen. You two have your moments but we all know that it's how…"

"He moved out."

Her reply took him completely aback. Nobody, from Rosario to Stanley himself, had told him about it. He opened his mouth but the words wouldn't come, nor did the ideas. Karen simply went on.

"It's been a week and a half, now. He doesn't see anyone; we just didn't manage to overcome the crisis this time if we ever did to be more precise. He left me, exactly as you did. Everyone does at some point."

She turned her head away and tried to concentrate on the window, stifling her sobs. The room was too quiet though. She felt trapped, unable to escape from Will's eyes and it was hard. Her chest was moving up and down, taken away by her silent cries. She brought her hand to her eyes in order to sweep some tears away but froze as she felt his fingers press hers.

His lips brushed the top of her head in a sweet kiss. She closed her eyes, shrugged.

"What's wrong with me that you all end up leaving me?"

Her sobs ceased for a few seconds. She took a deep breath before finally bursting into tears.

"I wouldn't be here if I had left you, Karen."

"You know what I mean. You always did. But for some reason you prefer to ignore it."

Instinctively Will let go of her hand, made a step backwards in his chair. Someone knocked on the door. It was Grace.


	17. Will, Will, Will

**Will, Will, Will**

She closed her eyes but the room kept on spinning around. She swallowed hard, grabbed the sheets tightly. She hated that, when all the world seemed to give her up and she lost control over her life; her own body.

"Is everything alright?"

She nodded in an instinctive gesture then realized that he wasn't in the same room and couldn't see her properly.

"Yes, I'm just unpacking."

Her hand slid on the bedspread, she looked all around.

She should have said no, turned down his offer. From the very beginning she had known that it wouldn't be the right solution but there she was now, locked in Grace's bedroom for an undetermined time. Perhaps she could stand up and leave. Was it too late?

Her general state of weakness had penetrated her heart and she hadn't been able to fight for so long when the scientist had suggested that she should have a rest, somewhere very calm. Will had decided for her, unless it was Jack or Grace. She couldn't really tell. The conversation had jumped from a person to another and she had felt dizzy before abdicating in an exhausted silence to the final decision.

She would stay at Will's. Grace would be out of town anyway, some family reunion. But the attorney's place didn't own the quietness that the medical staff had talked about, on the contrary. While accepting she had signed to head right into a net of problems, intricate wonders about the exact essence of her personal failures.

"Are you unpacking mentally?"

The closeness of his voice made her jump. She turned her head around and looked at him. He was standing on the doorframe, arms crossed against his chest; smiling softly. Why did he always have to be so sweet when the whole world was being harsh and meaningful?

She shrugged.

"I was about to start."

"Do you want some help?"

She nodded in silence, almost timidly but still aware of the meticulousness he was using towards the words he chose and how he had preferred the verb "to want" over "to need" as if the slightest sound escaping from his lips could hurt her. It was a bit too late though. As much as he didn't seem to feel like repeating the past, she still carried on the weight of the pain he had engraved on her heart.

She unzipped her leather travel bag as he proceeded to open the doors of Grace's wooden closet. If only Jack could have rushed in at this exact moment or the phone to have rung, the awkwardness would have been broken into pieces and life would have gone on, almost normally; as if nothing had happened. But if there was something that Karen had learned throughout the years it was the way fiction rarely made it to reality.

"I was thinking about making rice tonight, with some lettuce. Is it okay for you?"

"Yeah, sure… I'm not really hungry anyway, you know. So I may stay here and try to get some sleep instead."

"You have to eat, Karen. You can't skip a meal."

How come men always made her feel childish? Their advices sounded false and thick in their mouths, way too close to some motherly tone. She couldn't stand it; no matter who was right.

Her hazel eyes stared at Will's back. She blinked, sighed then laid down on the bed; her hands resting on her stomach. She felt light, too light. Her legs were shaking in spite of the new adopted position.

"I would like to take a bath, with very hot water; if you don't mind."

Under her unexpected request Will turned around and looked at her for a couple of seconds. She had only unzipped her bag and took out of it a satin top that was now resting next to her hip.

"I prepare it immediately."

"I can do it by myself."

A silent laugh brushed her lips before the irony of the situation and how some things could evolve radically; how she loved being assisted when she didn't need it and how she was arguing for the exact opposite while being so weak, so dependant.

Besides the bare words they were exchanging made them sound like an old, suburban couple though she didn't find it funny at all; no, just plainly sad.

"Would you like to listen to some music while relaxing in your bath?"

The question took her completely aback but making its way to her mind, Karen smiled and murmured a fragile 'yes'.

Very slowly she sat up on the bed, took a deep breath before standing up. As long as she wasn't dizzy or her steps unsteady, she would be safe from Will's arms, especially. She followed him to the bathroom and sat down back on a stool. Her fingers slid on the zipper of her skirt. The fabric brushed her legs, landed on the floor. The water running on the tub was noisy enough to cover their silence. She was observing his back while undressing, wondering if she should have waited for him to go away before. It was stupid, wasn't it? After all he had done more than contemplating her naked body.

He had made it his.

Very soon the scent of olive took possession of the bathroom, the flavored soap making bubbles against the white ceramic of the tub. She grabbed a towel, wrapped it around her frame and caressed the water of her tiptoes. The difference of temperature made her shiver. She felt alive, for the first time.

Will finally turned around, locked his eyes with hers.

"You know, I don't want to screw up your life just because of my anemia. If you want to go out tonight, feel free to do so."

The 'honey' got lost somewhere between her mind and her heart, barely reaching her lips at any moment. Some things were over, definitely.

"I didn't have any particular plan for this evening. Enjoying a glass of wine while listening to some jazz will do it for me. I've never been a night clubber like Jack."

He smiled, uncomfortably.

"Then thank you for doing that."

The heat rushed to her cheeks. She turned her back at him, got rid of the bath towel and plunged in the tub with delicacy. Had he observed her all along? She turned her head around.

He had left.


	18. Among everyone stands Karen, quietly

**Among everyone stands Karen, quietly**

She had never lived so close to them and yet so far at the same time as if her sudden, new situation had set off a whole series of bitter realizations like the weight of some probably mistakes she would have made about people she had considered as her friends.

They weren't mean, not even distant but reality was going on _ doing all the work _ and she was left with the necessity to face facts, hard ones. They had their lives, people she had never heard about, never met. They used to keep on moving when she retreated back in her Upper East Side penthouse; not that she had ever imagined that they simply stopped when she wasn't around but still. Fantasizing was part of her existence if not the exact essence of it.

Was it surprising? Not that much; her whole life had been based on the concept of following people and having a semblance of importance when the fragility of her precarious position was as light as the warm breeze of a summer night. There was no reason for things being different now, with them.

Laid down on the sofa, she looked at their lips with a barely contained avidity; nourishing her lonely mind of their stories. She wasn't living through them, just wished nothing but being part of their memories. But her name was never pronounced _ a gaze towards her from time to time _ and the conversation went on as if she had just been the odd appearance of some pointless ghost.

She felt abandoned.

She shouldn't though. Will had taken a week off to take care of her, Jack was stopping by every five seconds and Grace had called her several times during the day. But still, it didn't sound right at all; like the beats of her heart. They lacked synchronization. Perhaps they just wanted to cease.

"That's exactly what I said to Brian but Dana denied it all along."

"This is so not like her."

Her hazel eyes observed Will's reactions at the calling of strangers' names. It looked like routine, a sort of logic she hadn't understood; and this old sentiment creeping through her veins.

Jealousy; it had always determined the main failures of her relationships.

Her cell phone vibrated on the coffee table. She leaned over, picked it up; swallowed hard.

"Why don't you take the call?"

Karen looked up. Her friends were staring at her, vaguely confused. She shrugged.

"I don't feel like talking."

Even less to Stanley; she moved uncomfortably, tried to sit up.

"Are you alright?"

Within a second Will was by her side. She rolled her eyes, sighed dramatically before finally nodded. All this attention was getting on her nerves; not because she didn't like being assisted but for all the rest, all the things that had happened and he had buried so easily, turned the page over. She didn't manage to overcome it.

"I'm not made of crystal. I won't break into pieces if I happen to live."

Wrong and she knew it but the others didn't; she had to accept it.

"You still have feelings."

She raised an incredulous eyebrow at his remark and smiled at the irony of it; how he had thought once that she wouldn't get hurt.

"But I don't do emotions."

She might have a part of responsibility in the harshness of his past choices. Obviously she did and could blame her incapacity to frankly open her heart and be honest, appear weak and true.

She was trapped in her own game, desperately looking for some fresh air.

"Do you want to drink something?"

She shook her head. The tears were burning her eyes but like a vital instinct, she kept on swallowing them back. Grace and Jack were observing her. She couldn't cry now.

"No, I'm fine… I'm perfectly fine."

"Would you like to see Eva? Maybe we could call her and she'd stop by."

Something dug an open, latent wound in her heart. She bit the inside of her mouth to prevent from screaming.

"Why not…"

Her voice rise an octave; she looked aside and blushed as a heavy silence followed her heartbroken reply.

"Karen, your eyes are sparkling."

Tears often did the trick.

"So what did Brian reply after Dana's reaction?"

She couldn't even put faces on the names, had absolutely no idea of those people's identities but it passed unnoticed. Grace went on as the slight awkwardness of Jack's previous comment faded away slowly under the quietness of her invisible tears.

She wanted to be the center of attention and was dying for getting lost in the crowd, being forgotten. She loved being assisted but needed autonomy more than anything. She rejected the mere idea of emotions but kept on being hurt by the passing of time and the bitterness if left on her heart.

She wasn't that complicated, no.

Karen Walker was only the exact opposite of all the things she pretended to be; standing among the crowd, awaiting for her turn impatiently.

She grabbed a cushion and held it tightly under her chin. It smelled of Will, dizzy scent going to her head bewitchingly.

Maybe one day she would tell him everything. Her hazel eyes slid on him furtively.

But the beauty of truth resulted more appealing while being murmured, quietly.

That was the word: quietly.


	19. Olivia and Rosario, Karen and Will

**Olivia and Rosario/Karen and Will  
**

"I always knew it. Since the very first time I met her and she told me about her intentions, the shades of failure began to float above her frail shoulders. Yes, I say 'frail' because she is a lot weaker than what she accepts to show. That's her problem. Maybe if she were honest she wouldn't get hurt so much."

"Yes, obviously… But why does she keep on pretending? She's not very good at lying. I'm not sure she fools anyone but herself at the end. We play along almost not to make her feel a pointless resented pain."

"It probably has to do with her childhood. She lacks self-confidence pretty badly so even though it's the worst cliché ever, she finds reassurance in the character she has built."

"But she also suffers from it, doesn't she? She won't recognize it, never; to anyone. She already carries on the weight of a series of failures so if she abdicated before this one, her life would be over. Or at least she thinks so."

"You know her very well; unless you're just a good analyzer. She's not complicated to understand, her secrets are clear; easy to read. It's just that most of the time people don't see the point in doing it."

"I do because she's important to me."

"Don't take it bad if I ask but… Do you realize the importance you have in her heart?"

Silence

_"The house is pretty quiet. As a matter of fact, it's really boring now, gloomy. Dad's not here a lot. We miss you around."_

_"But you can come to visit anytime. Don't hesitate; I really mean it."_

_"I know… I just wonder how long it's going to last."_

_"What are you talking about, sweetie?"_

_"It's always the same, you know. At the beginning promises are made and then time passes by, making the words fade away. I don't like the taste it let. It's bitter."_

_"I'm not like that. I swear I'm not. You know me, don't you? I'm not this kind of person and I will never be, especially towards your brother and you. Just because I won't live with you anymore doesn't mean that I'm drawing a line under all the things we had. I can't do that, you're part of my life, now."_

_"That's what they always say. That's what mom used to say and look, be honest. She's not here that much for us."_

_"That's because she doesn't even realize the chance she had once to be able to give birth to a child."_

_"What about your own chances to do the same?"_

_Pale smile_

_"I guess I missed them out."_

"Did she tell you anything?"

"No, she didn't need to. It was all written over her face. She's not this big mystery she hopes so much to be. I saw it coming."

"Then why did you not stop her before?"

"I could ask you the same thing…"

Sigh

"It should have never happened, never. Maybe in some romantic comedy this would be an amazing plot but our lives have nothing to do with fiction. We can't mess up everything like that for… For what, anyway? We don't even know."

"It's never easy to dare and let a story take us away…"

"But this is not a story, just a stupid one-night stand that has been sticking to our minds since the day it occurred. It's turning our lives into a deep nightmare. It makes us so confused…"

"There must be a reason to."

"I kissed her. The day she passed out, I kissed her. It wasn't planned at all. I still have no idea why I did… And now she lives with me."

_"I should go now. I still have homework to do."_

_Pause, restrained sigh_

_"If you think so…"_

_"Are you feeling better? I wanted to bring you some novel but I forgot. I'm sorry."_

_"No, don't. You came to visit me, it's nice from you. I'm king of getting bored here, locked in this flat all day with Will. If my next blood sample is good, maybe we could go to Serendipity's. I know you love their ice-creams."_

_"Yes… Maybe…"_

_"What's wrong, honey? You look tired; or sad, I can't tell."_

_"Nothing, I'm fine. Everything's fine."_

_"Don't lie to me, please."_

_"I tell you that it's okay!"_

_"Olivia!"_

"You're just wasting your time. Do you even realize how life is fragile? We don't control it at all so when it offers you something as unique as what makes your heart beat right now, we don't refuse it, Mr. Will!"

_"I just wonder… I mean… You never liked Mason and me. And I know I'm right, Karen. That's why you decided to leave."_

_Silence_

Silence

"Why did she leave? She's been quiet over it. Nodody dares to ask; not yet."

Pause

"She asked for a baby, her own one. Mr. Stanley refused."

_"What you're saying is not fair, Olivia. You're so far from the truth…"_

_"Then tell me about the truth! I'm old enough to hear it, aren't I?"_

_Pause  
_

_Looked down at the floor; twisted her hands; sighed_

_"I just wanted to have a child…"_

_Silence_

Silence


	20. Karen and Will, Will and Karen

**Karen and Will, Will and Karen**

The sheet of paper slid off her fingers, softly; almost too much, with a disturbing logic. Leaning her chin on her knees, she passed her arms around her legs and stared at the wall in front of her. She had grown accustomed to it, to the pale shades of pink getting lost behind old photographs and how Grace's face had kept on smiling through the decades.

She grabbed a pillow and plunged her face in it. The smell; she had learned to make it hers, to need it night after night in order to fall asleep. Like the way the sun used to pierce through the window every morning, how would she ever be able to go on without it?

She scanned the room; her eyes stopped on the paper resting now by her side. It was only a series of numbers but it still would determine her life. That might have been the reason why she had always hated mathematics. She didn't want to settle things like this, according to a mysterious logic that everyone understood but her; an implacable acceptation towards a theorem that made no sense to her heart. Why did the brain have the leading role in her life?

They had received the results of her blood sample and she was fine, back on track but stuck and sad. Grace would pass the door in a couple of hours and they would close the parenthesis, bury in the shadows of awkwardness whatever she had only lived in her quiet dreams.

"Have you packed?"

She looked up and nodded at Will.

Two weeks of him and her, only the two of them; had he learned from her as much as she had learned from him? Obviously not or he wouldn't have kept such a distance, almost turning down her least offer; sweet suggestions that every time seemed to burn her cheeks, make her heart stop when he finally didn't nod.

So she had stopped to try anything one day then turned the page over bitter illusions before finally enjoying simple facts that she couldn't be deprived of, like his presence by her side. She would miss him a lot once alone in her newly purchased flat.

"So can I come in?"

Their lives were now following the rhythm of gestures which aim sounded more and more ridiculous since she wouldn't stay under the same roof as him anymore. They had played a dangerous game of some odd, not daring couple and now it was too late. They had missed out their chance.

"Sure…"

Very quickly she grabbed the paper of the medical results and put it in her bag. Her hands were shaking for no particular reason but to leave him; no matter they would probably share a lunch or something the very next day. It was just that when she turned off the lights that night, he wouldn't be next door but farer in the depths of New York.

"Are you okay?"

A silent nod; she smiled. Was her life over or on the contrary, on the verge to start? Everything was getting mixed in her head. She was losing her mind, letting her hopes fade away for having abdicated so easily before the strength of some impossible feelings. It made her feel stupid and fragile because she couldn't hide herself; couldn't pretend anymore.

The truth was that she missed the great Karen who would have never plunged into this cheap romantic story with such determination. She would have laughed, turned on her heels and let the alcohol mask a burning sensation on a beating vital organ.

Vodka and pills; close your eyes and forget the pain that's invading your heart slowly.

"What is it?"

She pointed out at the box Will was holding but almost blushed before a so-called boldness. Her lack of self-confidence made her sick. She wasn't timid; she wasn't allowed to. But yet she couldn't help it.

"This is for you. Because you're leaving, you know."

An instinctive but yet forced laugh escaped from her lips but Will's discomfort didn't pass unnoticed either and for some reason it warmed up her heart a little.

"I only go five blocks away."

"We don't push you out. You know that if you want to stay a bit more then Grace and I will be glad to have you here…"

The words were rushing in the air throughout the precipitation of a barely contained nervousness. She shook her head and put an end to the torrent of Will's explanation.

"We have talked about it a thousand times, Will. And yes I'm fine enough to live on my own and no I won't stay here with you and Grace because I'm not a part of your deal. I would break your balance. It wouldn't work out and… The fact is you are made to live with Gracie, not with me. And we both know it."

The certainty was so strong that it was even hard to swallow back the bitter sentiment of failure that seemed to break her heart into pieces, one more time.

The box caressed the palm of her hand as his fingers brushed hers and the unexpected contact sent shiver down her spine in a perfect chemistry of silent emotions.

"Thank you…"

"Open it."

The ribbon slid between her fingertips before releasing both sides of the box that opened almost immediately.

She didn't say a word; just bit her lower lip in the incomprehensible hope not to smile. She jumped as he planted a kiss on her cheek; his hand on her nape, furtively.

His lips brushed her ear; she swallowed hard.

"I know how you miss your Saturdays at three."

He was right. She did.


	21. Grace, Karen

**Grace, Karen**

She held her breath, swallowed hard. She had followed the instructions carefully, trying not to pay attention to her shaking hands or the way she felt stupid before such an elementary task. But the worst had been the wait. Forty-five minutes of anxiety that had spread over her mind and she hadn't even been able to enjoy the delicious smell escaping.

She opened the oven, grabbed the dish and closed her eyes. She was purely unable to face a result she already knew as a failed one. The ceramic made contact with the countertop. She looked at the cake.

Burnt

A veil of sadness and deep pain covered her eyes but an old automatism substituted it immediately. The blood began to boil in her veins then rushed to her heart with anger. Why did her frustration always lead to violent feelings?

She grabbed the cake and threw it away in the trashcan; turned around.

She had failed, one more time.

A quick scan of the living-room and she bit her lower lip. She was losing patience, hope. Her speech about independence found all its irony in the exact state of her flat, highlighting cruelly the fact that no, she wasn't made to live alone; even less to take care of herself.

She didn't even own the bases of cooking.

Very quickly, nervously, she made a few steps towards the sofa. She grabbed a magazine, looked all around and finally put it back at the exact same place.

She had forgotten about tiny places, its requirements. All she had thought about had been the warmness that she had never been able to find in the penthouse; a sort of family spirit supposed to give life to a place. If she had learned something by Stanley's side, it was that the grandiloquence never made a happy soul. Simple things did, on the contrary.

Someone knocked on the door. She rolled her eyes and went to open it reluctantly.

"Sorry I'm late but the traffic was terrible."

"Why did you hail a cab when you live only five blocks away from here?"

"Damn, haven't you noticed how it's raining outside?"

She turned around and stared at the trees through the large windows of the living-room. Rain drops were running on them with strength. How come she had made abstraction of it so easily? She motioned at the couch, shrugged.

"Have a seat… Do you want to drink something?"

"A coffee would be great, thanks."

From all the fantasies she had had about this moment, an awkward silence had never crossed her mind. It was just a new environment; it wasn't supposed to influence that much her friendship with Grace. But it did, oddly enough.

She sat down, gave Grace a mug and smiled to nobody in particular. She didn't manage to make the first step.

"The flat is nice."

"Thank you. It's cozy enough and…"

She had nothing else to say. As much as she could easily recognize her lack of cooking talents, she knew by heart the role of hostess but even in it she seemed to fail now. She bit the inside of her mouth, furious against herself.

"Yes, it's perfect in the meantime."

She was about to nod when Grace's comment made its way to her brain. She frowned, confused.

"What do you mean by 'in the meantime'? I just bought it. I'm definitely hoping to live here for quite a while."

Grace looked aside and remained quiet for a couple of seconds. She was so calm, so self-confident that their traditional scheme seemed to be upside down. Grace wasn't supposed to be confident one. She never used to.

"So this is where you will live. Together…"

The tone of Grace's voice betrayed her intentions. It wasn't a question but a statement, a settled down one. Losing more and more control over the conversation, Karen tried to ignore the strong beats of her heart, her slight nervousness.

"Whom are you talking about?"

A silent laugh escaped from Grace's lips, carried on by an apparent so-called logic.

"Will of course; it has always been him."

Her blood didn't turn into ice. Her heart didn't stop beating. She didn't blush either, didn't cough. No, nothing happened and the world kept on turning. The words only refused to go out and Grace went on, matter-of-factly.

"Even before you slept together it was obvious that you were both dying for each other. The gazes, the constant teasing… Everything; but since you were married and… I never thought it would happen unless I just didn't want to. Perhaps I was jealous at the end; no matters how ridiculous it is. He never hid anything from me. I came back home on a Sunday evening, we sat down and he told me. I've been mad at you, at him; at myself. I just never told it because it wasn't fair. Then he screwed up everything, hurt you for being so scared of his own feelings and… See, there's one thing I don't understand about Will and you; a single one. What are you waiting for exactly? Why are the two of you wasting so much time when life is short and love unpredictable? I went away for two weeks and nothing changed… I don't get it. Why do people always have to screw up the chances they've been given? We shouldn't be allowed to ruin our chance to be happy."

Grace might have stopped speaking but the truth was that she was unable to reply the slightest thing. She had kept on staring at the fridge all along, like hypnotized; frightened by her friend's words for them sounding almost too right.

"What's that?"

Very slowly her hazel eyes observed Grace's hands and the object she had picked up from the coffee table.

"It's a metro card, mainly to take the train to Brooklyn. It's the present that Will gave me the day I moved here."

Grace smiled melancholically, put back the card on the table. Her fingers slid on it in a quiet motion but her gesture was clear, transparent enough to be understood.

"He never stopped thinking about you. Not that he didn't want to but because he couldn't. He needs you. He's in love with you."


	22. Will, Karen and Mathilda

**Will, Karen and Mathilda**

_Six months later_

There had been something different, she had felt it. As soon as she had awoken and opened her eyes that morning, she had known that their day-to-day life had just been altered. The sensation had spread all over her body, entering her heart with an odd delicacy before murmuring to her ears that it would be alright because he was there, by her side.

So she had quietly turned her head around and stared at him. His hand had slid along her stomach during the night. Taken away by his dreams, his grip on her waist had loosened considerably but he was still there, holding her in spite of all; subconsciously. She had looked up, noticed the snow; smiled.

The city had disappeared under a layer of deep quietness; the sounds turning mute all of a sudden. Observing New York in the arms of the winter had always belonged to her secret, simple pleasures. The world didn't stop turning but everything was going slowly, carefully. And for some reason she felt understood then.

Her lips had touched his jaw, making his eyes open. Her fingertips had caressed the palm of his hand and leaned up on her elbow, she had locked her eyes with his. The heat of his body had brushed hers, rushed to her heart.

"I love you."

She hadn't gasped, hadn't blushed or backed in retreat terrorized by her own words. For the very first time in her life Karen had kept eye-contact and let the strength of her statement take possession of her mind. She had always had difficulties to say it out loud. The sentence had turned throughout the years into a bitter torture she had never known how to escape from.

But for once she had taken her time, decided to behave differently and there she was now; full of a warm sensation of extreme well-being. Perhaps it only resided in the fact that this time, she really meant it. And what were six months in the immensity of honesty?

"Come on…"

Her fingers had got intertwined with his and she hadn't let go of them at any moment since they had stepped out of the building. Their hands had balanced in cadence, following the rails and the path of the train. Snowdrops had melted against their skin, absorbed by the heat of their bodies as they had passed the gates of the park and sat down on the bench; always the same one.

She had drawn a line under her past, turned the page to be more exact over a series of mistakes and made of her loneliness an old souvenir faded by the time. Her Saturdays at three were the only thing she had kept alive with the only difference that now Will was always by her side.

Six months had flown away, making them twirl around in a whirl of novelty where the freshness of their smiles had got mixed with the sentiment that it sounded right, at last. She had moved to his flat; Grace had taken hers. And the days were passing by, smoothly.

A little boy ran past in front of them, laughing heartedly. His mother was waiting for him a few steps away.

Karen smiled, looked down. Billy, she hadn't forgotten him.

As if he had been reading in her mind, Will pressed her hand softly; reassuringly enough to let her understand that he was there and would always be.

As soon as she had found back the warmness of his arms they had tried for a baby. Half a year of vain attempts, disillusions and restrained tears; and this anxiety growing in her heart, that if she couldn't give him a child, he might happen to leave. Their dreams would break into pieces.

Mathilda; it had to be a girl. But maybe it would only belong to a dead-end fantasy.

She would turn thirty-nine in February. How long could she still pretend to be able to have a baby?

And then…

"What if it's a boy?"

The words hit the air through a shaking, high-pitched voice on the verge to break into tears; piercing the silence and the comfort of their Saturday afternoon in Brooklyn. She looked at him, swallowed hard. He blinked, obviously confused by her sudden question. Conversations never started that way unless you were in the middle of some surrealist scene. He turned around and shook his head.

"What do you mean?"

Karen shrugged, looked down.

"I was just wondering…"

She remembered the day they had sat at the table of some coffee shop on Fifth Avenue. It was when he had met Eva for the first time and she had learned about his desire _ strong dreams _ to have a future daughter. And the fate had made her stumble in the shadows of incomprehension as she had realized that they had chosen an identical name over their so-called but yet completely fictive child. She had been taken away by the strength of his believes contrasting so much with the fragility of what she didn't even dare to call fantasies.

A couple of little girls were playing in the snow just in front of them. She observed them, their tiny hands and the way they walked with difficulty on the thick, unstable ground. She felt Will follow her gaze.

"Because even if our dreams don't always have the same shapes in reality, boy or girl…"

She stopped, took a deep breath and locked her eyes with Will's before completing the end of her sentence.

"It still will be our child whom will come over here next summer. Hopefully…"

Her eyes began to sparkle. She smiled at him.


End file.
